Anyway, Life’s been pretty good, apartment is nice, I’ve been having FUCKING problems with my Girl. You know, I was like, let me try a serious thing for once, and just today I put this keylogger on my computer. And she used it and I found out she was lying to me about a trip she went on (she said she went with her aunt when she really went with some friends)

This may sound kind of wierd, but I went over to her place to sort things out and explain things, and I was quite smooth. But the finaly result is, SHE is going to tell me if she wants to break up with me or not :S!!!!! WTF! How the hell did that happen? How do girls switch around the tables?

I just wish I knew why I still want to be with her after all of this

I decided to try to forget about everything and ignore the things that have happened. All of this in the name of love. But I still feel that she is being distant. Of course everything is ‘fine’ according to her.
I had a strange feeling today. When I was in my room packing my stuff I came accross a few postcards that she had sent me a while back in her trip to Europe. It was full of love and passion. As I was reading it, I looked at Aiko who was typing away at emails frantically (something she doesn’t do when replying to mine). And then I had a strange feeling. I felt as if I wasn’t in the room with Aiko. I wasn’t with her. It was like it was just a girl who was in the room. Oh and of course she had her period and so we couldn’t do anything. She didn’t even want to change her clothes infront of me because of that reason.

I feel lost. She says she wants to be with me but does she really?

This is wierd. Aiko’s back and I have the feeling that she’s hiding something from me. The first day she comes home she goes to london to do some ‘business’. I see alot of love in that.

Today was totally uneventful, just watched a movie called UnderWorld which I do NOT recommend. Stupid movie. I’ve been going nuts trying to find someone to replace Marc in the new apartment. Damn this is hard. I hope things work out. Just a few more days and I move.

Sorting out things is hard. Helen, one of the flatmates, and her husband are staying in my old house for now until we move to the new house. When I came home from the movie I noticed that she was wearing Aiko’s slippers in the house. Kind of made me angry since she was wearing something that wasn’t her’s and didn’t ask.

Aiko come’s tonight, but I’ll see her tomorrow morning since she said she’s taking the bus.
I had stupid thoughts like, “what if she went on a trip to Europe with a guy? and what if I went to the airport to pick her up and found that she wasn’t waiting for a bus but with that guy” Damn my mind is fucked up.

Well Aiko sent me an email today. Kind of messed up. She said some strange excuses. Guess I’ll get her to explain things to me later on.

Moving home hasn’t been going to well either. DAMN FUCKING AGENT. He’s changed the move-in date to the 29th and now I have nowhere to live for 4 days. Trying to convince my current landlord to let me live here for a while but I guess we’ll see how things go.

Aiko comes back on the 27th. Just a few more days. We are going to be cramped in my small aparment with 7 people already.

I’ve finally decided to give it a rest. Just relax and stay quiet. She’s given me pain, but I’ll stay quiet and not mention things for a while. I’m the type of guy that likes to talk about things and fix problems if there are any so this will be difficult.

But I’m willing to give it a shot. Even though she hasn’t called me in TWO weeks even after I sent her a few messages AND left her a voice mail message.

You know, people should know. Friends AND especially family, that if you come accross this site you chould at least have the decency to CONTROL yourselves and NOT read these posts if you know that I wouldn’t like it then DONT READ my Posts. These are feelings and Ideas and thoughts that come into my mind.

Doesn’t necessarily mean that is how I’m going to react or take action. These are just random thoughts that I write down.

SO STOP THIS. DONT Force me to change my whole diary and my hard work just because of you. and TRUST ME. I KNOW if one of my family members visits my page.

Kind of strange how feelings come and go and others just fade away. The cycle of life isn’t as simple as a diagram would have you believe. They also say that life is a roller coaster with it’s ups and downs. Others believe that life is taking time to reflect upon the past and accept the future, if thats the case then I have developed an ACCURATE diagram of life (excuse the way it looks). YES!

A few friends came over back from China and a friend from my country Bahrain. I was shocked to see him. He was going to go back but now he wants to stay since he’s ‘had so much fun with me’ although I didn’t really do much.

Today is going to be a busy, perhaps I’ll make a DOUBLE entry today.

I’ve been thinking alot about asking her to marry me. Maybe that will give her the security that she needs. She gave me the impression once that she would like that. But I’m too afraid that if she says no that she will push herself away from me.

They say that life is God’s gift to humanity, but most times it seems to be that it’s torture. Aiko is a special person in my heart but I have come to realize that she is just a confused little girl that doesn’t know how to prioritize between certain things and how to handle certain situations. I know that she is trying to grow up faster than she really should and doesn’t have a clear focus in life.

I love being with her and want to give her a good future. Whether she feels the same, I dont know.

I believe the people should fight for what they want and always remain focused on their love no matter what comes in their way. I know that she cares for me and even if she is with my just for the short-term, being with her for this short amount of time is better than nothing.

Sometimes she says things that I know she doesn’t mean, but it sounds like she is saying something different.

My advice for life. Take the time to think about the things you want to do in life, and be grateful for what you have in the mean time.

Didnt do much. I promised myself I would wake up at 11 but I kept setting the alarm later and later.
I spoke to Aiko on the phone for a bit then on messenger.

Seems like no matter how long I speak to her, its never enough.

Hmm, i think I did absolutely nothing now that I think of it. Just did a bit of digital art.

Hope I do more tomorrow.

[memory]

I remember when I was younger and I was playing on the roof of my house with my friend. We were playing football and I was the goalie. He kicked, I jumped. I was hanging on the ledge with bricks under me, if I fell I would have broken my legs. I raised my hand to my friend to pull me up and you know what he said? “What are you going to give me if I help you” Damn this capitalist society. And we were only young then….

I spoke with Aiko today. Had one of the best conversations ever.
I felt happy. Not much to say really.
One thing did dissapoint me though. She’s travelling to Germany and Italy with her aunt. When I was thinking of taking her to either Munich or Venice. Lets hope she doesn’t go to one of them.
I love her. SKIDA

My beautiful Aiko. She doesn’t know that I’ve been feeling very sad these days. I find myself full of heart-ache before I go to bed. In fear that I’m going to die alone, in fear that Aiko doesn’t and will never love me the way I love her.
I hope she opens up her heart and accepts me rather than accept me partially.

Why cant I sleep? I’ve even taken sleeping tablets and it hasn’t worked….

..Aiko

I had a bit of fun today. Went to town, ate, walked around and talked with a friend. I then went to the cinema and watching TombRaider 2. It wasn’t that bad, the ending just got a bit messed up.

I thought I’d post an image of something I made for Aiko. I hope she likes it when i give it to her.
It’s a love letter, in a frame, with flower petals withing it. I also gave the letter a burnt look.

I had a long talk with Aiko. She tried to run away as usual from the conversation, but I put it to her straight. I said, either you stop and listen, or you just dont talk to me again. So she stayed, we talked over a few things. She promised that she would only be my girl and then she admitted that she was afraid of getting too close to me because she was afraid I might want to change her.

I tried to make her feel as comfortable as possible and assured her that. I guess she’s just not good at relationships. The best thing for her to just find someone and just sit down. She gave me a whole thing about her being older before (see other post) but it’s pretty evident that she is not mature at all.

I think that she just needs to learn to become for understanding and realize that she has to give me some sort of importance.

THings are ok for now. She’s going to be coming back on the 27th. I guess I’ll have to wait till then.

I might speak to her tomorrow, but that’s about it.