my dad sent me a message today. Telling my that he wants me to be a success. But what if I’m not? How will he act towards me.
My little sister sent me a nice email. Telling me that she is proud of me.
It’s nice.. but it adds stress to me….

If i fail this year, I’m thinking about staying in the UK and just working for a while.
I dont know how my parents will react to this though.

I might switch my subject to something I want though.

In my heart I feel nothing. I dont want to do anything.
Why am I like this?

wow an email.
Well I got an email from Aiko today. It was of average length. (thats what she used to send me)
It still didn’t have any ‘miss you’ or ‘love you’ but oh well.
She was letting me know what was going on and that she was busy searching for jobs etc…

That’s about it. I feel happier.

But still, I’ve seen her online a number of times so i dont understand why she doesn’t send email more often.
Plus I know in my heart that she’s online but leaves her msn messenger offline.

I slept at 10pm last night and I woke up at 2pm today, thats alot of sleep.
Guess my body was VERY tired.

Anyway, I had a wierd dream today about my friend Omar. In general he was just pissing me off and I woke up.

I wish I could have slept more and had another dream where Aiko calls me… but maybe I’ll have to wait one more week like Aiko’s emails.

shit I had a dream today.
I remember it felt so good.
Aiko called me.
We were just doing some talking and she said that she was coming back now, so I got excited and was trying to find a taxi to pick her up from the airport.

She was telling me how her hair was Brown again now not Black. And I asked why and she said because it was better than light blue. I didn’t understand when she dyed it light blue then.

So then i said wait, you’re coming back to UK now? It’s one month early. And she said no, I meant I’m going back from Tokyo to Niigata. We laughed. We had fun. Then her calling card cut off…

Isn’t it sad when the dream that makes me happy is just a phone call?

Lots of work lately, lots of work this week. Well, lots of stuff this week.

Monday - Working at the hardware store. (8AM-6PM)
Tuesday - Working at the hardware store. (8AM-6PM)
Wenesday - Driving School. (12PM-2PM?)
Thursday - Dentist Appointment. (6PM-?)
Friday - Working at CVS. (6PM-10PM)
Saturday - Working at the hardware store. (8AM-5PM)
Sunday - So far, nothing. But… who’s to say.
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the sky was clear today.
I lay in my car. The stars were shining bright.
I’ve never seen so many stars in the sky.
I thought it was the perfect opportunity to make some wishes.

I wished that Aiko would be a better girlfriend and we’d be together happily forever.
I wished that my mother would stop her disgusting habbit.
I wished that my sister Nadia would stop lieing.
I wished that my father would still support me even though I fail.
I wished my studying would be usefull and I’d pass my exam.

So many wishes… so little time.

I spoke to Oprah’s lawyer today.
He seemed very smart, I could tell he was taking note of everything I was saying.
I went to Uni today to speak to my tutor but he wasn’t it.
So I went to Chris’s barbecue. Didn’t relax that much.
I still feel tense.
Of course Aiko hasn’t sent me an email yet. i know I should wait a few weeks.

Came home. Studied. Relaxed. Thats it.
I still hope Aiko will send me an email…. or maybe I stress her out because I ask for a reply :S

i finally got an email from Aiko.
I woke up today not feeling very well, and I still dont feel fell.
Aiko basically said things like “yes I told you to call me if I dont answer, but it doesn’t mean keep trying forever”

What the fuck?!
You know, there MUST be something going on because a girl would usually think it’s so sweet that I want to speak to her so badly.

She spoke in the email in a what seemed to be a monotone voice.

She dyed her hair black because in Japan you have to apparantly for interviews, and stuff like that.
(Funny thing is, I thought I remembered her saying that people die their hair brown for interviews to look special)

I replied with a few lines thats all.
Nothing special.
Lets see if it takes ANOTHER 9 days for a reply.

Well today, I got up at 12. Yes yes thats earlier than usual.
Chris came over early. We worked on a bit of this and that. I studied for a couple of hours.
His laptop is LOUD! So I opened it up and boy it was so freakin’ dusty.
Cleaned it up.
Then had a nap for three hours…..

Got up, relaxed.
Hooked up the laptop to the tv.
Went to KFC, got me some chicken.
Watched and ate.
Now I’m online.

Going to study a bit before going to bed.
Finito.

Well, Kei has been talking to me about doing an audio blog.
In that, he thinks I should as well. I’m open to the idea, I’m just not sure what to talk about.

If I was going to do that, I think I would want to talk about more than just how my day at the hardware store went.
I’d want something special to speak of. So, I’ve decided I will do an audio blog as soon as something good/bad happens.

In the meantime…
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I thought I’d do a little Audio Entry today.

“You know, sometimes people do things without thinking. The funny thing is, you tend to think more about what you didn’t when it’s too late.
Sometimes it’s good to have space between two people, especially those who are going to spend the rest of their lives together, but there is such a thing as having space and saying hello from day to day.
When someone doesn’t appreciate you as much as you appreciate them, you might feel like you are the only person to understand whats going on, and it might seem as though everybody’s advice is wrong. But can so many be wrong?

I’ve seen alot of people give up in a relationship as soon as they felt a small problem was rising, but my father once told me, 80% of relationships break up, 10% get married and live sadly, 2% live in bliss, and the rest… well the rest argue, the rest have problems, and the rest never give up.

I told myself I’d never give up without understanding the situation clearly. And it seems as though I never will understand what my girlfriend wants, what I do understand, is that if she wants to be with me, she’ll need to work at this relationship as much as I am.

She’s given me alot of greif, and I’ve forgiven her for things that another person may not do, when it seems like someone acts so cruel you tend to wonder what you did wrong.

The way that I see it, if you do whatever it takes… you’ve proven that in life…. you can’t give up without a fight.
Or else you’ll end up walking alone.”

I woke up at 4 today. Is there a pattern here?
Anyway, ate some breakfast, watched a bit of tv, studied a bit, went to the gym, then ate, then came home.

Pretty short day.
Still no email from Aiko.
Still no call.
When will this girl learn that its not right to do what she’s been doing.
It’s been a week now.

Anyway, I’ve editted my own blog theme to make one for Jim.
Since the dual theme thing doesn’t seem to be an option at the moment.

When it does become a reality I guess we’ll join forums again.
What I’ll do is that when you click on the banner, it’ll invert the theme and show Jim’s and vice versa.

Well, before I start, there is a chance I will be moving from this exact blog over to my own. Same format, for the most part, just a different link.
So, you’ll have two different places to go to read about the lives of Kei and I.
Just giving you all the heads up, I’ll let you know when I know.

Anyways, I started my new job yesterday. At CVS.

In the US, CVS is a Pharmacy, for the most part, but they have like, all the crap you’d find in a department store, kinda. They have your notebooks, deodorant, tampons, chips, toiletpaper, etc., etc.
It’s all there.
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well, I woke up at 3pm today.
I dont know why but now that Aiko isn’t sending me emails or anything, it seems like I dont have much of a reason to get up.
Yeah I know I have other things to do but I dunno.
Like I dont want to leave the home, I dont want to do anything.
What did I do today? hmm…. sat around, read a constitutional law book, cleaned the bathrooms, I put speakers into the bathroom/shower and thats about it.
I’m bored.