I miss aiko.

I am convinced that my life will never be the same without Aiko. She was, afterall, my one true love.
I miss her everyday. I envision every part of her. The thing I miss most probably is her hugs.

Yes we both did stupid things, but that is what made our relationship even closer.

I ate all of her Tiramisu which she left me.

She also left one of her shirts in my laundry basket. I folded it and put it in my drawer. I wanted to keep her smell. I have many memories, but this is a part of her which I will keep.

Today Shingo and Omar came over and we tried to enjoy. Whenever I go to another room, a release some tears and come back. I don’t want them to see me sad. I don’t want them to try and cheer me up.

I’m glad that there is also a new person who is joining the PSP-Cheats.org staff.

Tomorrow I need to pack. I need to clean more. I need to get a little schedule so Omar doesn’t mess up the tiny favours I asked him.

Going to Bahrain wont make much of a difference to me though. I don’t have many friends any more.
I used to be quite popular with friends all around me. They’re either gone, working, or have families now.

I know I am only 22, but I am too old to start fresh. I don’t want to. I hope God will help me be with Aiko at the end of the day.

So I went to bed at 1.30am, I couldn’t sleep properly. I was rolling around until 3.30 until I finally dozed off.
At 5 am I woke up. Tears from eyes, sweating. I was panicing. My mind couldn’t believe that there is no more Aiko here with me. Nobody to call or hug or just go to Tesco with.

I need Aiko.

I finally did fall asleep again and only because I convinced myself that this wasn’t the end. I would be with Aiko again someday. For now, everything I do makes me feel a heavy weight.

It’s night now, 1 am. I can’t sleep but I am so tired. My eyes are soar from the tears.

I can’t stop thinking about Aiko’s face. As she passed through the barrier at Heathrow Airport, she turned to me and whispered, “I Love you”.

I love her too… Why can’t I be with her?

Why am I stuck in England.

Nobody can understand my feelings. All my friends have returned back to their countries, and I cannot make new ones because it’s too late in the year.

I feel panic. No longer can I pick up the phone and call Aiko to hear her voice. No longer do I have a reason to take care of myself as much as she made me.

No matter where I go, or what anybody says. I will always feel alone until I’m with her again.

I forgot to mention, before she left, she made me this using a soft nicely patterned towel. She sewed in some micro fiber cloth for the inner lining to keep it nice and scratch free.

All by hand as well.

Aww how sweet.

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Side note: I found 3 out of the 10 notes she left

These days were probably the worst days of my life.
Aiko finally left today. I drove her to the airport, and I tried to hold a brave face.
Will I ever see her again….

As I drove back from Heathrow, tears poured from my face. I was remembering her face, the good times, and all of the sweet things she did.

I am now all alone… I have no friends because they’ve also left, I have no girlfriend, I have nothing.

I don’t know what I will do… Even with all of the electronics around me, they mean nothing.

Omar made me angry because he said he’d come with me, and I called and called but he didn’t answer. It made my drive home even lonlier. At least if he was there, I could try to be braver.

I have too many memories of Aiko… I don’t know what I will do without her. I hope it is not the end.

She left me some hidden notes around the house, I found one behind the toilet seat, and one on the intercom, I couldn’t find anymore (there are 10). Reading each note made me miss her even more. I wonder if she is reading the letter I gave her for the plane.

I miss her so much… I am now.. all alone.

I do not want to hear “don’t worry”, I do not want to hear “there are more girls out there”….

Last night, she was sweet, she had to pack, but hugged me while I went to bed, I told her to go continue packing, I didn’t want her to see me sad.
I didn’t know what I could do, before that, she wore her nice silky clothes and stood next to me. She looked at me with a smile. She looked so cute. A tiny girl looking at me, giving herself to me. Love.

After a long day, I’ve moved most of the sites to the new server.
At least my blog is now safe.

Well I forgot to add that a few days ago I went to a BBQ with friends.
We sat near the lake and just basically chatted.
I made some arabic style burgers (which everybody devoured like crazy!!), and I basically was the chef for a bit before just laying around playing on my DS.

I’ll be adding a few photos after I move the blog to a new server

Last night I couldn’t sleep properly. It was so damn hot. I turned on the fan, but it made clicking noises. What’s more, I was using the high pillow so i hurt my neck. I woke up a number of times. So Omar calls me early in the morning and what does he ask? “Whats the date” …. I’m thinking, what the fuck!! He woke me up to ask me what the date was! Couldn’t he check his watch, his phone, go to a pc lab, anything?

So I finally got up today and went to London. Riding the subway is hell! No oxygen!

I finally also decided to take the plunge at the apple store and bought a Macbook. So far so good. I’m typing on it now. I’m going to be releasing a review on Widgx soon. It’s getting quite warm at the moment.

I know I’ve complained about this guy for a while now. I just don’t know why I can’t get through to his fucked up brain!

He’s become a lair. Imagine. This guy was my best friend. Now I consider him as a friend. Not even a good friend. Just some guy I know and sit with.

He has become an unreliable bastard.
In the past 2 weeks, he’s broken FOUR ‘things’ to do. The last one was when he said he’d go to Chelmsford with me and then called me the MORNING (like 1 hour before we leave) and says he can’t go.

Even if he has something to do, he should make sure of his plans!

He’s promised to work on FatFat, Fluid Mobile, and Finger Pie, but he’s hardly updated any, and just worked on some. He then comes and asks me where the profit is! What nerve!
He should be advertising Fluid Mobile with me, he should be updating Finger Pie and FatFat. (side note FatFat’s main purpose is to expose the truth of the seedy underworld)

He doesn’t realize that evertime he slacks, we lost 50% of our hits which I have to work on growing.

He tells me he’s busy and has things to do.
You people who read my blog KNOW the work I do. I study, manage my life, do a million jobs for this home, update and manage countless sites, AND I have essays and exams due.

What a selfish bitch. He doesn’t know all this shit I do because I keep my word and don’t complain.

Anyway, here’s a sample convo of his idiocy.
Judge for yourselves.
Is it me or does this asshole NOT understand how conversations evolve and what the main point is.
http://www.oxygen-inc.com/files/omartheliar.doc

I have been one of the most busiest people on earth these days.
Besides working on Widgx.com widgx.net and widgx.org, I’ve been upgrading PSP Cheats to V2, creating Fluid Mobile V2, and trying to sort out a fiasco over at Esato.com

I still have to get The Pink Stuff off of the ground, but I won’t start that until I’ve managed to finish off PSP Cheats and Fluid Mobile’s update.

Now as for my education, I’ve had to finish 2 essays for the 30th, 31st I had an Criminal Exam, 1st Equity, 2nd two more essays, and now it’s the weekend, I need to clean and organize my whole home and study for my Land Land exam that’s on the 6th.

Aiko finished her last exam today but she hasn’t called me or sent me a text. The weather was great today, and I hope she hasn’t just totally decided to do her own thing and forgot what’s going on.

I still need to book an appointment for a thorough clean at the dentists and I have to go to the dental surgery to pick up some muscle relaxants because I’ve got TMJ and my joints have locked on my Jaw, so I can’t open my mouth very wide. After that Aiko will be leaving (which may be forever), I’ll be going to Australia for a month (where I hope to buy a MacBook since it’s 150 pounds cheaper than in the UK).
I need to also sort out who’s going to look after my plants and car while I’m gone…

I’m really stressed, busy, sad, and it seems that I’m only filled with negative emotions.
I don’t know what I’m going to be doing next year. I’ll be all alone. No girlfriend no nothing.

I hope that the websites can be well managed by Omar, Tom and Jim while I’m gone. I’ve worked very hard and never complained, but lets see what happens.